14 / 05 / 2007
" Hello,
Tina Brown has not held her punches in the book " The Diana Chronicles " and so has mentioned the fact that
Dodi had an addiction problem to cocaine. He did, and I was aware of that naturally, he didn't hide the fact from
me and I actually was determined to do all I could to help him stop using, he was however by the time we knew
each other intimately a spasmodic user, not an habitual one.
It will also come to light I'm sure that cocaine was found in my handbag at the crash scene, not because I was
using myself as might be assumed of course but because I had a handbag in which to conceal it and one unlikely
to be checked by security in the event of this proving necessary for whatever reason! This news though as I say
this is something that has been rather hushed up as naturally involving an illegal substance and my boys were too
young for it's to have been publicised, though quite why my enemies did not use this against me I don't know.
Now it's being spoken about by me here perhaps I will lose the halo some people seem to be so intent on seeing
me wear and if so I am most grateful as I was human and proud of that fact and therefore subject to all the faults
as well as virtues that go with that, to revere me as some saint like figure means misunderstanding me completely!
As with any addiction be it alcohol or drugs it is used as an escapist measure by the individual as thought,
imagined by them to offer a means of relief from the trauma of the painful realisation that something is missing or
lacking in their lives even in some cases their privacy and so too a loss of personal identity or from the memories
perhaps of something happening to them in their lives or simply as a compensation for they're feeling personally
inadequate in some way, a multitude of reasons can be the cause and it's not for me or indeed anyone to therefore
judge them in any way! Nobody is perfect after all!
Hard to understand for the outsider admittedly and particularly of course when the individual concerned is
someone seen to be highly successful and massively wealthy and living the high life which quite often
consequently they are doing literally but in a manner that is ultimately going to prove detrimental to them and
they therefore need help and understanding. Cocaine used to be known as the rich mans drug in some circles,
now though becoming more readily available to anyone and everyone but remaining something commonly used
particularly by a number of names in the show - biz and glamour worlds so film, theatre, music and modelling
where the pressure is intense most of the time. A celebrity is one for as long as the people decide it, one film or
recording panned by the critics and their fame and the prestige it has brought them can literally be over in a
second, fickle worlds, no stability, no security at all and likewise of course modelling particularly, there's always
a new face to replace yours so this knowledge is naturally as I say consistent pressure plus of course the sheer
lifestyles being involved in these superficial worlds invited to be lived encourages and fosters often a need for
escape as once involved in them, living them, your life is no longer your own and that as I found out of course is
not easy to cope with at all.
I personally as people know was involved in work which involved my meeting and speaking to people with
addiction problems as well as other areas of abuse, battered wives etc and therefore on a personal level knew that
if anyone could help Dodi, I could and of course also had all the powerful connections necessary at my disposal
to do so thanks to my involvement with them. I had a desperate personal need to be needed and nothing fuelled
me more knowing this than being able to do everything in my power to help whoever it might be in whatever way
and so by making my focus being on people suffering themselves in some capacity or another, I was able to
diffuse the attention I was otherwise giving to myself and the problems I was experiencing which culminated of
course in the bulimia. In helping to heal others, I was likewise proving instrumental in healing myself with this
personal involvement indulged in by me being extremely instrumental in this respect and so something I was
most grateful to be able to partake in, doing so willingly.
In meeting women from broken marriages by example and in speaking with them able to relate to their situations
and likewise they to mine and talking together about the problems we'd all faced consequently able to empathise
and support eachother, to understand exactly what we'd been through, where we'd come from and most
importantly of course where we were going to!
Dodi's problem being the fact he lived in the shadow of his highly successful father, Charles of course in that of
his greatly admired and respected Mother but Dodi himself not being of the same mettle as Mohamed which
personally disturbed and upset him greatly and made him feel insecure and inadequate as he felt more was
expected from him but equally felt unable to deliver all that was expected. He and Mohamed had a healthy
rapport with one another ultimately but Dodi as I say was never going to be his father and knew it, so having the
greatest respect for him at the same time was keenly aware of an emotional distance between them and a gap
which seemingly couldn't be bridged though I was determined to help Dodi to come to terms with his personal
insecurities and help him in any way I could to bridge the gap between he and his father.
Mohamed and I having a wonderful rapport with eachother so I knew that this was ultimately something more
than possible for me being able to do. It also as I say gave me a real purpose in being with Dodi, an instrumental
one which is why I had no intentions of leaving him at all, why would I, I felt he needed me and he after all was
giving me all the attention a man can give a woman and I personally needed that so positively basked in that
attention naturally having as everyone knows not exactly experienced the healthiest of emotional relationships
previously at all for one reason or another. It was early days for Dodi and I but as I say I was more than happy to
be with him so the people who insinuate that I was still looking for happiness are greatly mistaken, I celebrated
finding it that summer which is why I made sure the media knew it and the papers full of pictures of Dodi and I for
everyone to see, I can only assume therefore that they perhaps saw us as a mis - match for reasons of their own!
I have already said that Dodi and I spent a secret weekend together in Paris before the last as well as time in his
apartment together in London! They were not with us on the last holiday where as of course Mohamed and Rene
his loyal and trusted butler were and so witness to the closeness apparent between Dodi and I and likewise my
boys had seen this for themselves and though young had actually been happy to see Mummy happy. As I said in
my book here on my personal site in the Forum Area and so before Tina Brown mentions it in her book, Wills and
I did argue whilst I was in Paris, he seeing the way Mummy was being splashed around on the papers cavorting
with her boyfriend had not been impressed at all but of course was in an environment where he'd have been
greatly influenced in his thinking, young and impressionable naturally and that clearly something having been
taken full advantage of! Marriage would have been something I'd have needed to discuss with my boys, they
always coming first for me but certainly for Mummy to have been seen behaving in this manner with someone
with whom she was engaged far preferable to someone she was indulging in a summer fling with and of course not
handing powerful ammunition to my enemies to be fired against me and being shrewd something I had taken into
great consideration.
I also have said previously whilst actually speaking about Catherine and Wills that engagements are somewhat
easier to break than marriages and less of a casualty for everyone concerned so even an engagement
announcement with Dodi made would not necessarily mean resulting in marriage but as I say would certainly
have a proved a worthwhile tactic to employ to powerfully silence the critics and for this reason alone therefore
something worthy of great consideration which it was being given by me at the time. The ring had been bought as
people know in Monte Carlo that summer by us and one chosen by us from an engagement collection so not a
friendship ring at all though I appreciate it might suit certain people particularly to imagine this having been so
naturally !.
A condition of marriage between Dodi and I would naturally have been for Dodi to deal with the cocaine issue as I
would not tolerate it's being something so close to home so meaning of course around my boys but also aware of
how something like this would have been used against any kind of a progression of any relationship between us at
all, aware the knives would be out for us anyway without personally needing or indeed wanting to encourage it
which Dodi understood and therefore as I say and something confirmed to be so to me personally by friends of
his, his usage of it had greatly decreased by the time we'd met anyway and to secure our relationship he was
determined to stop it altogether and of course it also being something that had not impressed his father at all who
viewed it as something of a weakness of character so not sympathetic to it's being a problem for his eldest son and
heir.
Mohamed knew with my connections that I could be instrumental and influential in helping Dodi in this area and
was therefore very grateful to me and supportive of our relationship developing, equally recognising how Dodi
was emotionally healing me, no signs of an eating disorder with me as a proof of this and shown by my parading in
a bikini or two for the cameras! Admittedly like me having been treated somewhat appallingly by the British
Establishment, it was also a feather in his cap that his son was involved with a former royal of the same country
that in spite of his supporting it financially and adopting it as his own sought to spite him at every opportunity,
the refusal of his being granted a British passport as an example of this systematic victimisation of him, well
known of course being the open animosity existing between he and Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, Her
Majesty's husband, neither of them making a secret of it! On reflection I realise of course my mistake, perhaps
some might think foolishness in entertaining a relationship with a Muslim given my royal connections even as an
ex - royal still being mother of a future King, it would be something unlikely to be tolerated but also that royalty
and politics don't mix healthily as of course albeit in an humanitarian capacity I was involving myself in political
issues and was a voice that was being heard which naturally lead to certain individuals becoming increasingly
uncomfortable and particularly when I was always someone known for doing the unexpected which is why no
doubt I was termed by people within the establishment a " Loose Cannon ".
In respect of these things I have to say that I loved the man so not something dependent upon his religious
beliefs, Hasnat also having been Muslim of course and I was dedicated and devoted to my work which I fully
intended to remain committed to as it gave me a sense of purpose in my life, a real meaning to it which Id found
to be lacking until that involvement so consequently something I warmly embraced and of course the fact that it
was a justifiable cause, so my meaning the land mines issue, that needed someone in the public eye to bring it to
the worlds focus and attention which naturally is what my involvement in it did do with the ultimate result albeit
after my death of an international banning of them so a job well done I would say and a fact few if any at all could
dispute!
It also was made apparent to me recently by a site member who personally took a tour of Kensington Palace in
London. On entry to my former home being greeted by a large and beautiful, her words not mine, photograph of
me so thinking that I would be spoken about having lived there of course whilst married with Charles and the
boys and later alone in Apartments 8 & 9. Apparently I was mentioned once or twice, my home there of course
having been completely gutted soon after my death so unlike the late Princess Margaret's apartment there still to
be seen, nothing to view at all and then on entry to the gift shop, Diana Memorabilia everywhere so serving one
purpose...to make money out of me...a reason to be grateful I suppose that postcards of me are now not to be
sold in the royal gift shops though of course I am equally aware not being the reason for this decision to have
been one made or they'd never have been so in the first place naturally...but in life I said about myself that I soon
realised I was a product that sat on a shelf and sold well....quite amazing how during the Panorama Interview I
made such profound statements particularly regarding a future that has proved them in being extremely
profound and yet some people still wonder if it is me speaking through Andrew, personally by now I would have
thought that to have been something made pretty obvious actually! "
