(Date Posted:28/12/2005 07:38:43)
The Royal mis - match of Wales
The Royal Marriage of July 29th 1981was soon in trouble, the honeymoon over for the pair and the theatrical
performance in full swing! In 1995 Diana was speaking with actor Jeremy Irons at a premiere,when he remarked that
he had taken a year off acting and she had told him "So have I !"
Initially the couple had busied themselves to not think about their private problems, Diana with the children and
Charles with his garden at Highgrove House. Politeness between each other in front of guests but as the years
progressed a show of civility between them could not be something guaranteed even publicly as shown by their last
tour together of Korea. Both were difficult characters behind their public personas!
Diana was known to be moody and temperamental which accounted for many staff giving in their notice and Charles
for having temper tantrums. It was also soon very clear to staff that the couple barely if at all shared a bed, the
princess and prince having separate rooms at their residences and it was the same story on the royal tours together.
Their marriage, one of extreme convenience for the continuance of the Monarchy.
It was this reason that Diana had drawn close to her personal detective Barry Mannakee, he was her personal
protection officer and the two got on brilliantly, Diana flirting with him and both sharing a great sense of humour but
he was her friend and not, as it was suggested, her lover! It was their easy relationship with each other that made other
officers including the Prince's protection officer jealous and Barry was told to not overstep the mark by him as he held
rank over him and used this authority to order him to "Cool it!"
From then on Diana and Barry were watched and any gesture of affection or friendliness between them noted down
and reported to the Prince himself. Diana was always someone in need of reassurance about things and not finding this
with her husband would turn to Barry and often break down sobbing in his arms, in need of comfort and a hug. These
reports leading to his being transferred to other duties and then being killed in a motorcycle accident! ( Diana always
suspecting murder! ). Even after his departure from service to the princess, she remained watched by the same officers
who accompanied Charles on his secret visits to see Camilla who lived seventeen miles from "Highgrove House" and
she even helping the prince choose it's close location!
In marrying Charles, Diana married his mistress! For the children's sake mainly weekends were spent by the couple at
"Highgrove" where the princes could enjoy country - life, even today enjoyed by them. Diana preferring life uptown in
the city. The atmosphere though between she and Charles could often be cut with a knife and usually they'd arrive in
different cars,whilst there even eating in different rooms, latterly Charles arriving a day prior to his wife and leaving a
day after her and their sons departure and it was noticed, Diana usually left in tears after another argument with him!
Charles pretending to staff the princess was unwell and making an effort to kiss her goodbye which she would often
Diana did not like "Highgrove" especially knowing it was where in her absence Charles entertained his friends with
"hostess playing the mostess" being mistress Camilla ( Now his wife and H.R.H. Duchess of Cornwall ).
Loving the sport, Diana had asked Charles for there to be a tennis court there which he refused her as being too
expensive .... not a game he liked and might have meant her spending more time there so stopping his privacy
entertaining regular visitor, the then Mrs. Parker - Bowles. Gradually the couple spent more and more time apart,
Charles at the house in Gloucestershire and Diana in London with William and Harry. Together at the house, staff
would see them indifferent to one another, barely communicating except in front of their sons when they'd be civil and
When Charles was not at the house Diana would invite her riding instructor and lover Major James Hewitt for
weekends with she and the boys and Charles when there alone would visit Camilla usually using a staff car and not his
personal Aston Martin to avoid detection and obvious complications. The staff sworn to secrecy about everything and
dependent upon their employment remained loyal to their employers.
Latterly when the couple were at the house together, they'd even eat in separate rooms to avoid the guaranteed friction
between them, they loathed each other's company making their royal tours together, showing a united front, to their
foreign hosts but personally and privately,hell for both of them! To everyone on the outside appearing to be living a
happy fairy tale, not the reality of a living nightmare!
Gradually Diana's visits to the house lessened more and more. Soon after their official tour of Korea the couple
officially separated and Diana never returned to "Highgrove House" except once to collect a few personal belongings,
treasured photo albums of her sons, her video collection and other things she could fit in her car, larger furniture items
arranging to be collected and delivered to her London home of "Kensington Palace" and Apartments 8 & 9 where the
Princess lived until she died.
"Highgrove House"was completely refurbished and decorated, bookshelves in what had been her sitting room ripped
from the walls which themselves were then as likewise in her bedroom completely stripped removing all evidential
traces of her presence ever having been there including her personal telephone line being cut on the prince's
instructions. The show was over and the leading players in the royal pantomine, the "Prince and Princess of Wales"
took their final bows and curtain call on the world stage to a disbelieving audience, having seen the performance,in
shock that "Once upon a time had no happy ever after ending" for the royal mis-match of Wales!
Diana's Private Thoughts !
(Date Posted:22/01/2006 11:08:59)
At a private lunch with Tina Brown, editor of the "New Yorker" magazine and "Vogue" editor, Anna Wintour in June
1997 just weeks before her death, Diana had told her friends how she pinned all her hopes on Prince William believing
him to be strong enough to withstand the pressures of being eventual monarch and also spoke highly of other royal
family members who she told did a lot of good but were ignored by the media for it, mentioning Princess Anne ( H.R.H.
The Princess Royal ) and H.R.H. Prince Andrew ( Duke of York ) and she also told them how she did regret that her
royal marriage to "H.R.H. Prince of Wales" had been doomed but that they had loved each other and both cried
together when their divorce was made official!
It was important to her that her boys understood that in spite of the arguments and bitterness that had been witnessed
by them between their parents, that they knew that Charles had loved her in his way...and she had love - letters from
him proving this but their characters had been so different, their interests plus he'd also loved in a stronger and deeper
way Camilla, now H.R.H. Duchess of Cornwall and married to him.
Diana was extremely proud of her eldest son but William she knew was still very hesitant in embracing his royal
destiny. He hadn't wanted to accompany his father to Hong Kong for its official hand over to the Democratic People's
Republic of China and it was known was extremely camera shy, in no small consequence due to his seeing how his
mother's life was made hell by the media from dawn to dusk.
Diana also told how she never personally got drained in meeting sick and dying people in her role as "Queen of Hearts",
only too aware of how her presence made them feel better a lot of the time inspiring her more. Diana also had strong
Spiritual beliefs and one was that in a past life, she'd been a Christian Nun which is why she felt she had such an affinity
with Mother Teresa of Calcutta who of course herself was to die on the eve of Diana's funeral in London whilst writing
her personal letter of condolence for the late princess.
Diana did express a regret that she would not be Queen as she pointed out, she'd have shaken all the hands and done all
the walk- abouts in the world, being with the people, content to let Charles make the speeches always feeling they'd
made a good team but also knowing the media always made her the more popular of the duet which had led to his
feeling alienated and why he'd decided they'd do separate engagements latterly...though by this time resenting being in
each others company, a far more healthy option for both of them. Their final official tour of Korea clearly an
illustration of how miserable and uncomfortable they felt together but outside of the publics knowledge had long since
unofficially lived separately and been involved with other people.
The physical side of their togetherness had ended shortly after second son Harry's birth, Camilla very much being a
part of Charles's private life by this time and something Diana had complete knowledge of and was powerless to change
in any way! This was why in 1986, two years after Harry's birth, she and Major James Hewitt became an item
unofficially! The thoughts of Harry being their love - child, totally ignorant
Diana was also fond of her social relationship with Prime Minister Tony Blair who she knew backed her in wanting by
example to be a People's Ambassador for the country, something she was unofficially as it was something that was
blocked from her being officially ultimately by the establishment, fearing no doubt that something like this would have
increased her world popularity even more and without her official H.R.H. title, the other royals being even more in
the shadows as Diana took the spotlight from them incurring great jealousy from them.
Behind the scenes it's a very cut throat environment in the Royal Family; with each wanting centre stage, staff being
advised to treat them individually like "Film Stars!" Diana had also encouraged the royals to improve their public
image ( Seen as being aloof, cold and distant ) by the people but had been seen to have been manipulative by them as
opposed to helpful and assisting. Newspaper editorials instead often offering them advice but instead of these being
given any kind of attention, the tabloids concerned editors called by an angry palace giving them a verbal rocket for
their trouble and concern.
In the "Panorama" interview Diana had questioned her husband's ability to rule and she still maintained her viewpoint
that he is not a born leader but a follower, not liking to be the front - man, much the happier in a house in Tuscany
doing his painting, or shooting and fishing quietly in Balmoral and out of the headlines, she was the people - person of
the duo! Camilla similarly hardly comparing to Diana in this respect making she more suitable as wife to Charles than
Diana could have ever been. Diana being the proverbial socialite and party animal, not the stay at home type at
all...excepting when with her adored boys but Diana was equally happy out and about with them too!
Diana, divorced a year, spoke of her marrying again but was hesitant in this as she pointed out that she carried with her
so much baggage, who in their right mind would take her on? Anyone she was seen with would become victim of the
media circus, find their privacy intruded on and even their private dustbins ransacked for clues about them and their
friendship with her; so she knew it would have to be a special person who could withstand the consequential
intrusiveness but also that being single and alone was clearly not her ideal either! A month later Diana was to meet
Dodi Fayed in the French Riviera and the rest as we all know tragically is history!
Excerpt from Paul Burrel's book: A Royal Duty
(Date Posted:23/06/2006 20:05:35)
The princess met the Queen at Buckingham Palace to discuss the strains on her marriage to Prince Charles. In this
startling and historic extract, Paul Burrell reveals for the first time the details of the dramatic meeting and the Queen's
instructions to the couple...
Facing the Queen in a one-to-one meeting at Buckingham Palace, the princess knew she would never have a better
opportunity to ask the one question that had constantly chipped away inside her mind since Prince Charles had
publicly confessed to an affair with Camilla Parker Bowles. "Does this mean that Charles is going to remarry?" asked
the princess. "I think that very unlikely," replied the Queen. If the Boss had gone into that meeting looking to emerge
with concessions, that one reassurance from the highest level made her feel more secure about the future if it involved
It was mid-morning on 15 February 1996, and the princess had come to Her Majesty's sitting room for a discussion
that Prince Charles hoped would end the stalemate over the divorce that everyone but the princess wanted. On the
previous day, she had sent her estranged husband a Valentine card, signed "With love from Diana".Cupid had long
since deserted them as a hopeless cause, but the princess was defiant until the end, even as the system prised away her
fingers off a marriage on which she had so stubbornly refused to loosen her grip. The princess never stopped loving
Prince Charles. She felt she was being forced to let go. Even when she stared irreparable damage in the face, the
inevitable never dawned on her.
But the summit with the Queen was her first opportunity - since the divorce letters had dropped on to her mat - to
speak openly and frankly to her mother-in-law, and she didn't want to leave anyone under any illusions. "I do not want
a divorce. I still love Charles. None of what has happened is my fault," said the princess. Her stance was crystal clear
from the outset in what turned out to be a businesslike but friendly discussion.
It couldn't be anything other than businesslike because the Queen's deputy private secretary Robin Janvrin was there
to take notes. The grey suits at Buckingham Palace had been worried because "bulimics rewrite history in 24 hours".
The princess didn't want a note-taker at a private family discussion but it was feared that she might brief allies in the
media. The Queen had Robin Janvrin by her side to preserve the truth. When she got back to Kensington Palace, the
princess had me for the same protection. As the princess spoke of her profound upset over the marriage break-up, the
Queen apparently listened sympathetically. Indeed, she emphasised how, over the years, she had tried to do
everything she could to help, as had the Duke of Edinburgh.
But the princess, who never doubted that her parents-in-law had made a substantial effort even if their son had not, felt
that others were only too happy to see her cast adrift, that they had been jealous of her work in public life. The
princess unbottled years of suspicion and emotion before the Queen, and not for the first time. She knew she could
talk to the Queen. Answers and solutions were rarely forthcoming, but Her Majesty always provided a sympathetic
ear, even when the complexities of the situation frustrated her.
Over the years I despaired when journalists and "in-the-know" royal "experts" had claimed that the princess and the
monarch spat venom at each other or, as the Daily Mail once suggested, "Diana spurned the Queen's hand of
friendship...turning the two women into enemies". They were never enemies.Until the princess's death in 1997, the
Queen and the princess exchanged numerous letters. Two different royal icons from different generations tried hard
to understand each other. The one area on which they shared common ground was the welfare of William and Harry.
In that meeting, the Queen reassured the princess that she must not worry about the welfare or custody of the two
young princes."Whatever may transpire in the future, nothing will change the fact that you are the mother of both
William and Harry."My concern is only that those children have been in the battleground of a marriage that has
broken down," she said.
As the meeting continued, and Mr Janvrin's pen remained poised, the princess ultimately agreed to a divorce, but she
wanted to record her hurt too. She said: "Mama, receiving your letter and Charles's letter on almost the same day
before Christmas was tough. It was the first time Charles had actually mentioned divorce, and the letters I have
received since have not helped." The Queen agreed. "The recent exchange of letters has not led anywhere, but what I
wrote before Christmas remains my view. The present situation is not doing anybody any good, either country, family
or children." The monarch was insisting, at her diplomatic best, that divorce proceedings should start soon. There was
no turning back. But she more than understood the princess's concerns for the future.
Afterwards, the princess said that she had displayed the sensitivity and kindness that the Duke of Edinburgh had
shown in his letters in 1992. By the spring of 1996, the princess felt she had had far more constructive talks with her
mother-in-law than she could ever have had with her husband. Then the meeting had reached the point about the
future and title of the princess, a sensitive issue that became the subject of intense media speculation in the following
days. The princess insisted that she had not offered to drop "HRH" because it was too important to her. Then
Buckingham Palace issued a statement stating: "The decision to drop the title is the princess's and the princess's
alone."It is true that the princess first raised the issue of her future role. She said to the Queen: "I have worked hard for
16 years for you, Mama, and do not want to see my life taken away from me."I want to protect my position in public
life. I want to be able to stand up for my own life." The princess then added: "I have real concerns about the future,
and all the answers lie with you, Mama."
The Queen accepted that, but said: "I would like to decide things in consultation with Charles. The title is also a matter
to be discussed with Charles." Then she added: "Speaking personally, I think that the title Diana, Princess of Wales
would be more appropriate."The issue of HRH status remained uncertain until both the Queen and the princess could
discuss it with Prince Charles. What is certain is that the idea for the title by which the princess would later be known
was a seed sown by the Queen.
Many things were discussed that day: the princess was refused an office inside Buckingham Palace.As the lengthy
meeting continued, the princess expressed her concerns about William's safety. The princess was worried about her
eldest son and Prince Charles flying on the same aircraft: if a disaster or mid-flight incident occurred, they would both
be affected. The Queen replied: "That is only a problem on holiday and then it is only a question of who flies on public
aircraft. The royal aircraft are safe. That is probably not a big worry." By the end of the meeting, the Queen was
anxious to let the princess know that she was always there for her. "This is a very difficult issue for me personally but
the situation does need resolving for everybody's sake," she said.
Duty and protecting the country's interests had placed the Queen, yet again, in an unenviable position as mediator
between son and daughter-in-law. The princess accepted that the Queen needed to be firm but she could not get over
how considerate she had been. "I just want an amicable agreement, Mama," said the princess. "I do not want to be
On 28 February 1996, Kensington Palace issued a statement: "The Princess of Wales has agreed to Prince Charles's
request for a divorce. The princess will retain the title and be known as Diana, Princess of Wales." The announcement
followed a meeting between Prince Charles and the princess. But it was a letter from the prince, received earlier that
week, that had finally convinced the princess to raise the white flag. Nothing would change his mind and he was
exhausted from arguing about what had gone wrong and who was to blame. "Let's move forward and not look back and
stop upsetting one another," he urged her, and the princess agreed. With mutual obduracy removed as an obstacle,
lawyers began work on the severance of the fairy tale. Throughout that spring, the princess maintained
communication with the Queen. Once a decision had been reached the Boss seemed mentally stronger. After years and
months of being in denial over divorce, she seemed to have garnered some extra mental strength from somewhere.
"I'm focused, Paul," she said. "I have a strong sense of public duty. I am clear-headed and motivated and want to get on
The divorce settlement stated that the princess would receive a 7million lump sum payment. In return, the Prince of
Wales had made his demands clear: he wanted back a pair of watercolours of distant German relations, a pair of chairs
(circa 1780) and all of the George III silver, which we had used on a daily basis. On 1 July, there was a constant stream
of flowers, presents and cards for the princess's 35th birthday. One smitten individual sent two bunches of
long-stemmed red roses, 35 in total.
Two days earlier, on the Saturday, there had been an even greater surprise. The front doorbell rang. No one was
expected and I turned the brass knob, wondering who it could be. The last person I expected was the heir to the
throne. Prince Charles had popped in, unannounced. "Hello, Paul, may I come in?" he said. He had been due to catch a
helicopter from the paddock beyond the upper stables at the rear of the palace but was early, so he had decided to visit
his estranged wife. "Your Royal Highness, I think you know the way." He smiled and went up the stairs. If I was
surprised, I couldn't wait to see the reaction of the Boss. "Diana, are you there?" Prince Charles called, walking up the
stairs as I followed behind. He was met by the rather stunned princess on the first-floor landing and they greeted each
other with a kiss on both cheeks. She looked over his shoulder at me and her eyes widened with mock horror. Then she
couldn't resist breaking the ice with her usual humour."I suppose you've come to take the furniture away, then,
Charles!" Husband and wife, in the throes of a rather awkward divorce, laughed together for the first time in an age. If
only they could have done that more in public, I thought. These two people got on, even if it was as friends. It was a
bizarre scene, and also sad: I detected a surge of excitement in the princess. I could see her re-energising on the spot. It
was all very cordial, relaxed and civil.
I went downstairs to make the prince a cup of tea, just how he used to like it at Highgrove: Earl Grey, strong, with a
dash of milk. In mid-July Buckingham Palace announced that a decree nisi had been granted. It left one outstanding
issue: the princess's HRH status. The Queen had first suggested the title Diana, Princess of Wales, but the matter of
HRH had remained unresolved. What I do know is that the princess rang her brother-in-law, the Queen's private
secretary, Sir Robert Fellowes, to ask that she be allowed to retain the title HRH. Her request was declined. She would
receive a 7million lump sum payment but the price would be the loss of her royal status. The princess was not someone
to stand on ceremony but it was an important title because, in her eyes, it was a special title given to her upon marriage
and it seemed spiteful to take it away. It was, she felt, part of her royal identity and she had worked tirelessly as a royal
highness for many years.
When the final decision was taken behind the scenes, the princess was devastated. From mid-February, we had all been
working towards and building ourselves up for the morning of 28 August 1996, the day the divorce became absolute;
the day the Prince and Princess of Wales became single again. When that day dawned, the atmosphere was a mixture of
sadness and anticipation. As I stood in the corridor waiting for the princess to come for breakfast, it struck me that
while she was letting go of her marriage I was cutting ties with the royal household I had joined in 1976 and beginning a
new adventure, so the sadness was balanced with the excitement of a new challenge. When the princess appeared, she
was full of energy, determined to make a success of her independence. The princess tucked into grapefruit and honey
and talked about the tours that were planned: Washington in September, Australia in November. She was still thinking
about moving to Australia. Later, she paced the sitting room, preparing herself for a day of being besieged by the
world's media outside. The telephone rang. It was Sir Robert Fellowes, in his capacity as her brother-in-law rather than
as the Queen's private secretary. "I wanted to ring just to say good luck for this difficult day ahead. It is a tragic end to
a wonderful story," he told her, but the princess was in no mood to wallow in pity or sympathy."Oh, no," she said,
looking at me. "It's the beginning of a new chapter. And remember, Robert, I do still love my husband. That will never
The princess looked so elegant that day in pastel blue. She picked up her handbag, took a deep breath and strode along
the landing, down the stairs and to the front door with determination, still wearing her engagement and wedding rings.
"I'll take them off eventually," she said, "but not now." The boss remembered only too well her reaction when divorce
ended the marriage of her mother and father, and how traumatic it was for her as a child to see the rings removed. "A
ring is so small but it signifies so much," she said. She walked out of the door to fulfil an engagement at the English
National Ballet. The Boss returned later that day, wanting to talk. Over coffee in her sitting room, she said, "I'm now a
very rich lady and I think you deserve a wage rise." My salary was increased from ?2,000 to ?0,000, and the rest of
the household - chef Darren McGrady, secretary Caroline McMillan, controller Michael Gibbins and personal assistant
Victoria Mendham - were rewarded too. The Boss was thanking us for sticking with her over the past few months,
through thick and thin. She seemed quiet when I left her. We had spoken about the significance of the day, her love for
Prince Charles, how she wished the British public knew how much she hadn't wanted a divorce, how she wished things
could have been so different. The princess delved into the myriad philosophies that, as she put it, "help me to do the
mental house-cleaning". Philosophy arrested her insecurities, worries and doubts, and the words of others gave her
strength.... "Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really
are while your reputation is merely what others think you are." "The self must know stillness before it can discover its
true song." "Success is the result of good judgement. Good judgement is the result of experience. Experience is the
result of bad judgement." "Use problems as opportunities to change our lives ..." "Problems call forth our courage and
wisdom ..." "Learn to adapt yourself to the demands of such a creative time ..." From a correct relationship to yourself
comes a right relationship to all others and to the divine..." Or she quoted Benjamin Franklin: "Those things that hurt,
instruct ..." On the night of the divorce she repeated another to convince herself that she had done the right thing.
"There needs to be a meeting of heart and mind which allows one to love and let go ..." "I know that, Paul. I know that
now," she said.
So much nonsense has been written about the princess and her divorce. So-called friends and advisers have lied to the
world that she wanted to divorce Prince Charles from as early as 1990. So much nonsense has been written about a
hatred for her husband that never existed. "Charles and I are friends and are civil to one another. I think he realises
what he lost in me." "I have no hatred for him. All the suffering has made me into the person I am," she said. When it
came to her views on Camilla Parker Bowles, she harboured resentment but not hatred. She had to fall back on her
philosophies again to come to terms with her feelings towards her husband's mistress. She referred to one in particular:
"Resentment is trying to change something that is just what it is. When we can't change it, we resent it ..." The princess
spent many hours trying to fathom why her marriage had failed.
We spoke about it many times. Even more than that, she spent hours analysing herself, trying to understand her own
mind. In doing so, she would become a better person, she said. It was easy and convenient for her husband's friends to
deal with her problems by explaining them away as "Diana is being unstable again". The princess didn't operate in such
shallow waters. She often went in search of deep self- analysis. In doing so, she learned a lot about what had gone
wrong, and where, perhaps, the rot had set in. The bottom line was that she suffered from low self-esteem, which ate
away at her, then at her marriage. As she explained it: "High self-esteem doesn't protect you, but it does allow you to
entertain self-doubt without being devastated!" She felt her low self-esteem had taken root in childhood when she had
acquired many of her ideas about herself. She had taken that poor self-image into the marriage with Prince Charles. In
him, she focused solely on deriving a boost to her ego, through his recognition of her achievements. When it was not
forthcoming, she said she felt rejected. "As if the entire foundation of my self-esteem had been demolished," she said.
Citing someone she called Mevlana, "the best poet and mystic ever" apparently, she said, "It is said that 'patience is the
key to joy" - "If only I knew that back then!"
The princess also needed to realise, and I think many people told her this, that anger was a natural emotion, but she
felt many women found anger distressing. I told her that Prince Charles did too, she even hired a boxer to come to
Kensington Palace with his punch bag so that she could rid herself of her anger. Diana, Princess of Wales, could
certainly pack a mean punch. We discussed all those emotions that night of the divorce. After our discussion, I left to
go to the kitchen. When I returned to the pantry, there was a little note saying "thank you" on top of another piece of
A4 lined paper, her thoughts at the end of our conversation. All she had ever wanted was for the British people to
understand what she had gone through, how difficult it had been. And while she felt that Prince Charles had truly made
her suffer, she had learned from her suffering. She went to her grave loving the prince. I know that because it is the
truth she left on my desk that night.
Prince Charles has often said that, within the next 25 years, the royal archives will prove the truth of his relationship
with the princess. It seems wrong to allow the world to labour under illusions for the next quarter of a century. The
princess's own words can debunk the lies now.
That night, she wrote to me: "It's the 28th August 1996 - 15 years of marriage have now been signed off. I never
wanted a divorce and always dreamed of a happy marriage with loving support from Charles. Although that was never
meant to be, we do have two wonderful boys who are deeply loved by their parents. A part of me will always love
Charles, but how I wish he'd looked after me and been proud of my work. It has been a turbulent 15 years, having to
face the envy, jealousy, hatred from Charles's friends and family - they have so misunderstood me and that has been
painful and brought enormous heartache. I want so much to become Charles's best friend as I understand more than
anyone what he is about and what makes him tick!