(Date Posted:29/05/2006 04:49:31)
Diana's Candid unofficial interview with Peter Settelen her voice - coach and friend !
Diana about her engagement"He said: 'Will you marry me?' I laughed. I remember thinking: 'You know, this is a joke'
So I said: 'Yeah, OK' and laughed. And he was deadly serious. He said: 'Do you realize that one day you will be
Queen?' A voice said to me inside: 'You won't be Queen but you will have a tough role.' So I thought to myself: 'OK'
so I said yes.""I left my flat for the last time and suddenly I had a policeman and my policeman the night before the
engagement had said to me: 'I just want you to know this is your last night of freedom ever in the rest of your life, so
make the most of it.' It was like a sword went into my heart."
Moving on to her relationship with Charles, Diana recalls the now infamous moment during an interview to mark her
engagement in which her husband-to-be was questioned about their romance. Diana says: "I was brought up in the
sense that, you know, when you got engaged to someone, you love them. "And the most extraordinary thing is, we
had this ghastly interview the day we announced our engagement. This ridiculous ITN (British T.V. station ) man said,
'Are you in love?' Oh, what a thick question! 'So I said, "Yes, of course we are" in this sort of fat Sloane Ranger way
that I was. Charles turned round and said, 'Whatever 'in love' means'. That threw me completely. I thought, what a
Settelen remarks: "And what a strange reply!" to which Diana replies: "Oh God. Absolutely traumatised me."
Settelen: "And did you ask him about it?"
Diana: "No, I didn't dare."
Settelen: "Were you frightened?"
Diana: "Must have been, yeah...we met 13 times before we got married."
Diana about her wedding .."I can't marry him. I can't do this. This is absolutely unbelievable. My sisters were wonderful
and said: 'But look, Duch,your face is on the tea towel so you can't chicken out.'"
"On the day of the wedding I was very, very deathly calm, totally,totally calm. I felt as though I was a lamb to the
slaughter and I knew it but I could not do anything about it. I thought the whole thing was hysterical, getting married, in
the sense that it was so grown-up and here was Diana, a kindergarten teacher. The whole thing was ridiculous."
"As I was walking up the aisle I was looking for Camilla. I spotted her, pale grey, pillbox hat, saw it all, to this day, you
know,vivid memory. I thought: 'Well, there we are, that's it, let's hope that's all over with'.""I just could not take my eyes
off him. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world and he was going to look after me. Was I wrong on that
"The wedding night was strange, very strange."The honeymoon:"I just had tremendous hope, which was slashed by
Day Two. My husband took eight Laurens van der Post novels... Every lunchtime or dinner time, when we were
allowed to be on our own, we were supposed to read them.""We were never on our own and I remember crying my
heart out. I was so tired but for all the wrong reasons, totally.
"Diana about Charles in her opinion"My husband made me feel so young, inadequate in every possible way, that
each time I came up for air he pushed me down again."
Talking of her intimate life, the princess says: "There was never a requirement for it from him. Once every three
weeks about, and I kept thinking it followed a pattern." She adds: "He used to see his lady once every three weeks
before we got married." 'It was odd. Very odd. But there was - it was there and then it fizzled out about seven years
ago. Six years ago? Well, no Harry was born, it's eight.'
About the Canada trip .. "We had been walking around for four hours, we had not had anything to eat and
presumably I had not eaten for days. When I say that I mean food staying down. I remember walking around feeling
really ghastly and I did not dare tell anyone. I put my arm on my husband's shoulder and I said, 'Um, darling, I think I'm
about to disappear,' and slid down the side of him. My husband told me off. He said I could have passed out quietly
somewhere else behind a door. It was all very embarrassing. ... And inside me I knew there was something wrong with
me, but I was too immature to voice it."
"Diana about Charles and Camilla .. Diana said Prince Phillip had actually told Charles he could keep his options
open. " My father-in-law said to my husband, 'If your marriage doesn't work out, you can always go back to her after
"One day we were opening our diaries to discuss various things and out comes two pictures of Camilla. On our
honeymoon we have our white tie dinner for President Sadat - cuff links arrive on Charles's wrists, two Cs entwined
like the Chanel C." So I said: 'Camilla gave you those, didn't she?' He said: 'Yes, so what's wrong? They are a present
from a friend.' And boy, did we have a row. Jealousy, total jealousy.""I remember saying to my husband, you know,
'Why, why is this lady around?' 'And he said, 'Well, I refuse to be the only Prince of Wales who never had a mistress."
Diana on confronting Camilla ..."I said to the two men, 'OK, boys, I'm just going to have a quick word with Camilla and
I'll be up in a minute'. "And they shot upstairs like chickens with no heads and I could feel, upstairs, all hell breaking
loose - 'What is she going to do'?" I was terrified of her. I said, 'I know what's going on between you and Charles and I
just want you to know that'.
According to Diana, Camilla told her: "You've got everything you ever wanted. You've got all the men in the world fall
in love with you and you've got two beautiful children, what more do you want?"
Diana claimed she replied: "I want my husband," before adding, "I'm sorry I'm in the way...and it must be hell for both
of you. "But I do know what's going on. Don't treat me like an idiot'."
"I once heard Charles on the telephone in the bath, on his hand held ' phone, and he said: "Whatever happens, I will
always love you." I told him I listened at the door and we had a filthy row."
Diana about her pain, despair and suicide ..."I hated myself so much. I did not think I was good enough. I thought I
was not good enough for Charles. Ugh, doubts as long as one's leg.""Little did they realize the individual who's
crucifying herself inside because she did not think she was good enough.""I was trying to cut my wrists with razor
blades...we were trying to hide that from everybody... I was just so desperate." "Charles said I was crying wolf and I
said I felt so desperate and I was crying my eyes out. He said: 'I'm not going to listen. You are always doing this to me.
I'm going riding now.' So I threw myself down the stairs - bearing in mind I was carrying a child. Queen comes out,
absolutely horrified, shaking she's so frightened. I knew I was not going to lose the baby, quite bruised round the
stomach and Charles went out riding. When he came back it was just dismissal, total dismissal.""There was just no
one to physically scream at, or for someone to put their arms around me and just listen," Diana said. "When I cry I
can't stand it when people say 'it can't be as hard as that' or 'we understand'. Nobody understands unless you're the
individual involved.""After five years of being married my sister Jane came up to see me... She said: 'What's that mark
on your chest?' I said: 'Oh, it's nothing' and she said: 'What is it?' The night before I wanted to talk to Charles about
something and he would not listen to me, said I was crying wolf, so I picked up his penknife off his dressing table and
scratched myself heavily down my chest and both thighs. There was a lot of blood and it hadn't made any reaction
whatsoever.I was just so desperate. I knew what was wrong with me but nobody else around me understood me. I
needed rest and to be looked after and for people to understand the torment and anguish going on in my head. It was
a desperate cry for help!".
"Diana about her Bulimia .. "Bulimia started the week after we got engaged. My husband put his hand on my waistline
and said: "Oh, a bit chubby here, aren't we? That triggered off something in me." Diana said she had been thrilled
when she made herself vomit for the first time as "it relieved me of tension"."It was four times a day on the yacht.
Anything I could find I would gobble up and be sick two minutes later. One minute one would be happy and next
minute one would be blubbing one's eyes out."
"I remember the first time I made myself sick, I was so thrilled because I thought right, this was the release of
tension.""This Camilla thing, you see, I was desperate, desperate. I ate everything I could possibly find and I was sick
as a parrot that night. It was such an indication of what was going on.""The odd thing was when I was bulimic I wasn't
angry because the anger, I thought, was coming out that way. It always felt better after I'd been sick to get rid of the
anger. And I'd be very passive afterwards. Very quiet."
"I Was sick the whole time, bulimia and morning sickness. People tried to put me on pills to stop me from being sick
but I refused to take the responsibility that if the child appeared handicapped, I was not going to take responsibility. I
told everybody I was tired the whole time but it was the bulimia that had totally taken grip of me."They all blamed the
failure of the marriage on the bulimia and it's taken some time to get them to the think about that differently. I said I
was rejected, I didn't think I was good enough for this family so I took it out on myself," Diana said."I said I could have
gone to alcohol, which would have been obvious. I could have been anorexic, which should be even more obvious. I
decided to do the more discreet thing, which ultimately wasn't discreet. I chose to hurt myself instead of hurting all of
you. It certainly was not discreet, when in 1986 Diana fainted at a function in Canada.
"Diana about her children ... The birth of William:"We had to find a date in the diary that suited Charles and his polo.
William had to be induced because I could not handle the press pressure any longer. It was becoming unbearable.
Anyway the boy arrived, great excitement, thrills, everyone was absolutely as high as a kite. We found a day Charles
could get off his polo pony for met o give birth. So that was very nice, felt very grateful about that.""Then the post
natal depression hit me hard. It wasn't so much a baby that has produced it, it was a baby that triggered off all elset
hat was going on in my mind. Boy, was I troubled.
"The birth of Harry:"I knew he had gone back to his lady but somehow we managed to have Harry. We were very, very
close six weeks before Harry was born, the closest we have ever been and ever will have been.""Suddenly, as Harry
was born, it just went down, our marriage. The whole thing went down the drain. Charles, all he wanted was a girl.
First comment was: 'Oh God, it's a boy.' Second comment was: 'Oh,and he's even got red hair' (from her Spencer
family). Something inside me closed off."
Diana about 'The Queen' ... The princess recalls how she found in 1986 that Charles was seriously seeing Camilla
again, and asked for a word with the Queen. "I went to the Top Lady, and I'm sobbing. And I said, 'What do I do? I'm
coming to you. What do I do?' The Queen said, 'I don't know what you should do. Charles is hopeless.!" and that was
it. That was help! "So I didn't go back to her again for help because... I don't go back again if I don't get it the first time
Diana speaking of her private thoughts with Peter Settelen